Piecing Together My Shattered Heart
by mrsoneill
Summary: Bella Swan is tired of living a lie and not being with the guy shes in love with. All HUMAN. Eventually Canon Pairs. Some characters may be OOC... story better than summary Promise
1. Chapter 1: My Secrets

**A/N:** Well here is my new story. It was an idea that I couldn't get out of my head. I got already like 6 chapters and many many more ideas. I hope everyone likes it. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! Review and you will get a kiss from Edward. Also if you haven't read my other story go check it out. It's called Going after him. And to everyone that has read Going After Him, do not fret I have not abandoned that story I was just literally losing sleep from this story being stuck in my head, no joke. So I had to write it out. I will be updating it soon within the next couple days. So here is a summary of this story.

Bella Swan and Emmett Cullen have been a couple for 3 years. But they both have secrets and are tired of living lies. Bella use to be bestfriends with Edward who is Emmetts brother but Edward stopped talking to her when her and Emmett started dating. What will happen? Will they all make it through the things that are going to happen friendships still intact, will they all end up happy or miserable. AxJ, BxEm, BxE & RxEm.

Sorry if it's lame I couldn't think of a good enough summary without giving up to much info. And this is in no way a Bella and Emmett story. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh **

**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away **

**And I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well **

**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away **

**Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when your gone away **

**You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore **

**~~~~Broken-Seether ft./ Amy Lee**

Piecing Together My Shattered HEart

Chapter 1: My Secrets

BPOV

I was just laying on my bed with my face buried in the pillow. I'm not trying to sound selfish, I know there are people out there who are worse off than me; but still all things considered my life sucks. I couldn't wait for the next two hours to be over. Than I'd feel a little better. Have a little release from the secrets I keep and the lies I live. Heres the 411 on me. My name is Bella (Isabella) Swan. I'm 16 but I will be 17 in a few months. I'm about to start my Junior year in High School. I live in Forks, Washington. A small town about four hours away from Seattle. Forks is almost always under a constant cover of rain and clouds. But I'm use to it. I've lived here my whole life. I'm an only child and I live with my mom Renee and my Dad Charlie. Charlie is the chief of police in this small town; Renee teaches kindergarten.

Everyone in this town is pretty nice and it's such a small town that obviously I know everyone and everyone knows me. Not my favorite thing, I do not like attention. There are only five people in this town that I really like and really know even. Theres my best friend . She looks like a pixie; her names Mary Alice Cullen. But eveyone calls her Alice unless they have a death wish. She's about 4'10", short black hair that sticks up everywhere in different directions (it looks awesome on her) and emerald green eyes. Alice is 17 and she is absolutely beautiful. She is extremely hyper, loves to shop, and can get down right mean if she wants too; a little scary actually. Than there is my other best friend Rosalie Hale. Rose is about to turn 18 and she is starting her Senior year. There is only two words that accurately describe Rosalie 'gorgeous bitch'. She's about 5'10" with legs that go for miles. The perfect body that guys drool over, long wavy blond hair and blue eyes. She's also a major bitch if you get on her bad side; which most people have. Luckily for me and Alice we are her best friends.

Jasper Hale is Rosalie's brother and the love of Alice's life. Jasper is also 17, he's tall muscular and has blond hair and blue eyes. Extremely handsome. Next comes Emmett, my boyfriend. Emmett is huge. He's about 6'2 and extremely well built, curly brown hair and green eyes. He is Alice's older brother. Emmett just turned 18 a few monhs back and is starting his Senior year as well. He plays football, runs track, and wrestles. Did I mention that I hate the fact that Emmett is my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong I love Emmett, just not in a romantic way at all. See the thing is Alice's family lives next door to me. I've known them my whole life. Our parents are best friends and have been since they were kids.

Rosalie and Jaspers live across the street from us, but their parents aren't as close to our parents. Our parents grew up together here in Forks, after college they all came back. The Hales moved here when Jasper was four and Rosalie was five. They are friends with our parents, they just don't take their vacations with all of us and all that unlike mine and Alice's families. If the Cullens go somewhere the Swans go and vice versa. But back to the subject. As I said our parents have been friends forever. Alices moms name is Esme and her dads name is Carlisle; Carlisle and Esme Cullen. For some reason, to which I still do not understand in the slightest, our parents seem to think that Emmett and I are suppose to be together. Makes no sense to me, we have nothing in common.

I remember hearing about it, and having it pounded into my head since I was about six. I don't know whatever made them come to this decision, especially when we were so young but they did. Only problem being I didn't actually like Emmett. I don't know how Emmett really feels about me and if I am continuiing to be honest I truly do not care. Our parents decided when Emmett was 14 that we were old enough to start to 'date'. Meaning they took us to the movies together, we studied together, little innocent shit like that. I guess you could say we were dating, so we have been a couple ever since, about 3 years now. We make it work. And supposedly everyone some how believes it. We do not talk much and when we do it is playful banter. Like we are friends, and still no one realizes that that is what we really are.

We do not have sex, make out and the only time we kiss is if other people are around and it's expected. Even then it is just a light peck on the lips. I guess people just think we are being modest , but really we have never kissed more than that. He could just be waiting for me to tell him I am ready for more, but I doubt it. I am pretty sure his feelings for me are the exact same as mine for him; strictly platonic. When we are alone, which isn't often we do not act like a couple. Who knows what people think, I am sure everyone assumes I have sex with him. I don't like that people think that, but what else am I suppose to do. We try to avoid group dating situations at all cost. We've never talked about it, but I have noticed how one of us is always making an excuse to get out of doing whatever it is.

All in all we are both troopers. We stick it out and we are together like our parents expect us to be. We just go with the flow and try to put on as good of a show as possible so that people believe we are really a couple and happy. At least thats what I do. After all this time I still wasn't sure how people truly believed it. There was no way I was that good of an actress; I am a horrible liar. But still I persevere, no matter how miserable I truly am.

The last person in our little group is Edward. Edward is Alice's twin brother, so obviously he is Emmetts younger brother too. Him and Alice just turned 17 last week. Edward is about 6'0", he's not as muscular as Jasper or definitely no Emmett; but he has a awesome body. His hair is always messy everywhere, but it looks good on him. Not many people would be able to pull it off but Edward does. The color of his hair is unusual and unique; it's bronze, it's awesome and it looks so good on his pale skin. He has emerald green eyes like Alice and Emmett except his our deeper and they sparkle. He plays football and runs track, but his one true passion is playing the piano and he is amazing at it. I may have forgot to mention that I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Edward.

To me Edward Anthony Cullen is perfection. His voice, smell, looks; how brilliant he is, how funny he can be and of course the piano playing. AHHHH!!!!!! I just adore him. And in that is where my true misery lies. Edward Cullen. It is a torturous thing to be in love with your boyfriends brother. But I've always been in love with Edward. There was a part of me that hoped he loved me too and that people would realize we were both in love with each other. And after our parents realized that they would not expect me to be with Emmett. I guess you could say it was my fairytale because of course that did not happen. Fairytales do not come true. And me being one to not ever like to disappoint anyone just sucked it up and went with the original plan. Bella and Emmett.

Edward and I actually use to be best friends. I was still best friends with Alice back than too; I just hung out with Edward more. We have always had more in common. I remember when I first realized I was in love with Edward. Hell I remember when I first realized I liked him more than a friend. I was like eight. Thats a long time to like someone, and he is the only boy I have ever liked in that way. I was about twelve when I realized I was in love with him.

I am always constantly aware of Edward. Every word he says, every move he makes. I can tell you what kind of mood he is in just by what he is wearing. My whole existence revolves around him; in secret. To everyone else he's just my friend. Now don't judge me. I have been in love with Edward forever. Like I truly believed my parents would actually stick to the idea of me and Emmett. But even if I had always been sure , I am positive I would be in love with him anyway. I never meant to fall for Edward. It just happened; everything about him is right to me. It seems to me like we just fit together perfectly. I have always felt drawn to him. Like I had to be near him or I wasn't complete. I remember feeling this odd attachment to him even when we were younger. But as I said before everyone did stick to their ideas of me and Emmett, so I kept my feelings bottled up.

As hard as it has been to love him from a distance for five years, and let me tell you it is hard. I have done just that. Sometimes I feel like it's just going to explode out of me. I honestly do not understand how anyone hasn't realized the truth of it all and called me on it. I always find myself doing little things for Edward or going out of my way for him. Even if whatever it is hurts me. Anything to make him happy. He always seems so sad, not like the Edward I use to spend everyday with. Most the time I don't even realize I've done something until after the fact or until I'm starting whatever I am going to do for him. It's crazy! Their unconscious decisions. I told you my whole being revolves around Edward Cullen. I never do anything for Emmett. Nothing special anyway.

I think I am close to snapping soon. I am not a liar by nature, I am a honest person and I feel like I am deceiving everyone. Myself and Emmet especially. Is this really fair to either of us. It all seems to be piling on top of me. My heart always feels so heavy. I feel like I am suffocating from it. I honestly don't think I can keep up the cherade much longer. I think the only thing that keeps me doing it is I hate to disappoint people. I do not deal well with feeling guilty and all it would take is one guilt trip from my parents and I would go back to this fraud that is called a relationship. How can Emmett stand it. We are really good FRIENDS so maybe he is afraid of hurting me. He might think I am actually in love with him. Emmett is not stupid but he is not known for being observant.

The very worst part of this whole thing is Edward hates me. No matter what I do for him it's like I didn't do anything. It's like I am not even here. He stopped being my best friend. Hell who am I kidding he has damn near even stopped being my friend at all. If it wasn't for the fact that we have the same friends we wouldn't even associate. I am sure of that. I use to try all the time but it was like talking to myself for as much as he would respond so I gave up eventually. Right before me and Emmett became a couple Edward told me that we couldn't be best friends anymore. He said "what would people think about us getting older and spending so much time together", "girls that wanted to date him were jealous of my relationship with him and that wasn't fair." And he also said "that when me and Emmett got together he didn't think that Emmett would like the idea of me and him together all the time." I honestly didn't think Emmett would care.

He said we would always be friends just not inseperable like before. Yeah right! As the year progressed and high school came closer the more he distanced himself from me. Sometimes I think I never was his bestfriend like he was mine. That maybe he just tolerated me; that I pushed myself and friendship on him. Which made sense to me, I never really understood why he hung out with me so much in the first place. I'm just plain Jane Bella. Theres nothing remotely interesting about me. I read all the time; thats what I like to do. And Edward well he's amazing. I'm shy and he use to be outgoing. I'm not so sure what happened to him the last couple years. I am not good at anything; I mean I get good grades in school and I can cook really good but whats exciting about that. Edwards good at everything.

He acted like he didn't even care, like it didn't even bother him at all to tell me we could not be best friends anymore and than distancing himself. Never, not even one time did he act sad or like he regretted it. He just did it, the hell with how Bella felt. I cried my eyes out when he told me and for the first year or more I cried myself to sleep everynight. Eventually he had pulled away so much I became numb to it. I knew it would only get worse til eventually he wasn't even here and I had no idea where he was. It hurts so bad to not be with him, let alone not even be his friend. Everyday for three years now I have felt like another piece of my heart has fallen off and shattered. He is so cold to me. He barely even acknowledges me. Something in him changed and he became so cruel almost and distant, withdrawn even. Jasper is his best friend, but he still most of the time is at home alone. He barely does anything besides things he has to do like school and sports.

Oh and of course he still manages to go out with at least one of his sluts every week, if not more. Thats what Edward does, he doesn't have girlfriends, no he sleeps with every chic available. I think I would rather he be with just one chic than sleep with everyone. He was only suppose to be with me, sleep with me. I was just thankful that he never brought them back to his house to screw them. Our windows were right across from each others and I would hate to have to hear or god forbid see him have sex with anyone else. I think if I did I would really go kill myself. Thats just one thing I do not think I could handle. The thought of him touching and kissing someone else makes my stomach quesy and I feel like I can't breathe. I think I have at least one anxiety attack everyday. But regardless of however many girls he has slept with in this town I do not care and he is still perfect to me.

I think I could deal with being with Emmett and not being with Edward if I at least had him as my friend still. Maybe not best friend anymore, that I could deal with, but at least friend. I could push aside my love for him; hell thats pretty much what I do now I guess. Just not really directly to Edward since he doesn't even talk to me. I would be so happy just to have that again. But not even having his friendship was slowly killing me. I honestly think I might be suicidal.

I know I need to get up off this bed, but I couldn't bring myself to move. Just another hour and a half. I looked up briefly at the clock. I was pushing it with the time. Alice would be here soon. Huh!!! I wanted them to hurry and be gone, but I didn't want to go outside this room and deal with it until they were gone. Just a little bit longer, Bella. Little bit longer and at least I wouldn't have to put up such a show for almost two months. Sweet Relief.


	2. Chapter 2: Goodbyes!

**Will you think of me,  
in time?  
It's never my luck,  
So nevermind.  
I wanna say your name,  
But the pain starts  
again,  
It's never my luck,  
So nevermind.**

**And I had a dream that you were with me ,  
it wasn't my fault,  
you rolled me over,  
flipped me over,  
like a somersault.  
And that doesn't happen to me  
I've never been here before  
I saw forever in my never,  
And i stood outside her  
Heaven.  
My never-Blue October**

**Piecing Together My Shattered Heart**

**Chapter 2: Goodbyes**

BPOV

I still hadn't moved off my bed. Downstairs I could hear the front door open and Alice talking to my mom. Ugh! that means I got about two minutes until she stormed into my room and I had to get my pathetic ass out of this bed. Just a little over an hour left now. Exactly two minutes later my door busted open. I just laid there waiting. I knew it was only a matter of seconds 1 2 3 4 5 6........ "Bella what the hell are you still doing in bed? What is wrong with you? Emmett leaves in twenty minutes." Why did she have to be so damn loud? And like I wasn't aware that Emmett was leaving in twenty minutes, like I wasn't counting down the minutes. But I guess nobody knew that did they. I sat up in my bed and exhaled loudly. "I am perfectly aware of when Emmett leaves Alice. I was just about to get up and head over there." I said to her while getting out of bed and stretching.

"Aren't you even sad that he is leaving Bella. I mean you sure don't act like it. He is going to be gone for almost two months." Again I knew he was going to be gone for two months, and no I was not going to be sad. The exact opposite actually. Something was up with her today, I could tell; she had the weirdest look on her face. Ah well no time to worry about that now. "Yes, I am sad Alice. But I have known about this for a few months so I have had time to prepare." How did anyone anyone believe anything that came out of my mouth when it had to do with me and Emmett. You could hear the angst in my voice. Or maybe I had just been lying about it for so long now that it seemed like I was being honest. Highly plausible.

I walked into my bathroom and I shut and locked the door. I leaned over the counter and put my head on my arms. I took a couple deep breathes. Just a little while longer, I just had to get through this little bit more. I splashed cold water all over my face and brushed my hair and teeth. I made sure I had no smeared make-up; and than made sure I was presentable. This was the best it was going to get today. "Let's go." I said to Alice while walking out of the bathroom headed towards my door. She just looked at me like I was crazy or was growing a second head or something. "BELLA!" she screeched. "You can not go down there and tell Emmett bye for the next two months looking like that." She said while pointing at my clothes and rolling her eyes. "You have no make-up on, your hairs not fixed and your clothes; well I don't even know what to say. We have to get you ready." Before she even got on a roll I was going to stop her. I had no make-up on because I never wore make-up except eyeliner, my hair wasn't fixed because I hardly ever fixed my hair good enough for Alice's standards.

My clothes were fine, I had on a pair of black yoga pants and a pink tank top. I was just going to take Emmett and Rosalie to the airport. There was no reason I needed to look all dressed up for that. Plus why would I want to dress up for Emmett, and it's not like Edward would even notice. Or Emmett for that matter. There was no way she was getting her way this time. "NO NO NO Alice. What I am wearing and how I look is fine. You are not playing dress-up with me right now." I slid on my flip-flops; grabbed my purse and walked out. I got down the stairs and was about to open the front door before Alice followed. She was probley shocked that I told her no. I never told her no when she wanted to do something I did not want to do. I felt bad, I did not want to upset Alice or anything; but I was just so tired of all the crap. I was tired of pretending and right now I was not in the mood. My irritation with this situation was starting to leak out into other areas of my life.

I walked outside and Emmett was just walking out of his house; headed down to my car to put his bags in it. See look he didn't even realize I was out here yet. Emmett starts his senior year in August. Forks High School always takes a Senior trip somewhere. Usually most the seniors leave town right after graduation to go get settled and set up wherever they are going to college, so instead of taking the trip after graduation they usually take the trip the summer before they actually start their senior year. Weird right? Well that's Forks for you. All the seniors take a vote and the place with the most is where they go. This year Emmett, Rose and all the other seniors are going to France. That's what I was waiting for. Again don't think bad of me. I love Emmett as a brother but with him not here for just about two months I would not have to put on such an elaborate show. I would just have to pretend I missed him if someone asked about him and all that.

Compared to what I had to do everyday that seemed like a dream. I would miss him in the friend way; but as for this boyfriend/girlfriend thing I couldn't wait to see him go. "Hey Bellsy." I hated when he called me that. He has been doing it since we were little kids. He knew I hated it and that's why he continued to do it. "Sad?" he asked. "Of course I'm sad Em. Your leaving for two months, who's going to torment and irritate everyone?" He laughed and started putting the rest of his bags in the car. I could see Rose and Jasper coming out their house with all her bags. "You know Bellsy I really wish you would drive me to the airport in my jeep. Come on I am not going to see her for two months." Emmett whined. Did he seriously just refer to his jeep as her. I just laughed at him. "Not a chance Em." I stopped paying attention after that because I seen Edward coming out of their house. He was so god-like. He had a little smirk on his face, wonder whats going on with him.

I could still just slightly hear Emmett continuing to grumble about taking my car. Emmett hates my car. I love it, it's fantastic. I don't even know why he disliked it so much. It was nice, it was a classic. My dad put a lot of money and effort into it for me. Well not alot of money but alot for us anyway. Emmett's family was insanely rich, mine not so much. Well not at all actually. Rosalie and Jasper's family was really rich too, so they all had brand new expensive luxury car. Where as I had a old beat up 65 mustang that my dad and his friend fixed up. But regardless of how it looked when they bought it; now it was awesome and so pretty. All I could think is that no one liked it because it wasn't some expensive luxury car. Edward was the only one of my friends that liked it. He could appreciate a classic. It didn't bother me that my parents weren't wealthy like everyone elses, my mom and dad always made sure I had everything I needed and I didn't need or want much.

Emmett has this huge Jeep, the tires alone on this thing were like 32 inches maybe bigger. IT was big, black, shiny and was awesome for off roading; which Emmett loved. It was a 2009 Jeep Wrangler Roticon or something like that. Jasper drove a 2009 BMW S1000RR. It was a motorcycle; I didn't even know BMW made motorcycles. It was fast and sleak. I had to admit he did look good driving it, but that was the thing about all of them they fit with luxury. Me on the other hand, I never really felt like that was me. Alice had a 2009 Porsche Boxster S and it was yellow as hell and fast. Rosalie's car was a cherry red 2009 BMW 3 Series Convertible, and Edward drove a silver 2009 Volvo S60R. Let me just say that the only reason I knew these names is because they were pounded into my head by them, all the time. They loved their cars like they were their babies or something.

My car was nice and pretty but compared to theirs and the luxury they were use to I guess I could see why they didn't like it. My mustang was deep blue and it took a while but I talked my dad into putting black interior in it. He didn't like it, but I was desperate to have it. I was so clumsy that there was no way I was risking it with something a stain would be noticeable on. I was guaranteed to spill things and I might not be as obsessed with my car as the others but I still loved it. My car was the only thing that made me happy anymore. I mean I loved Alice and everyone but seeing everyone happy and enjoying things while I was so miserable was starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong it is not like I wanted my friends to be miserable too, I just wished I was happy along with them. And I don't even know how Emmett is so happy he was in this situation with me and he didn't feel that way for me either. All I can think is maybe it is because he is not in love with someone else. Even though I did have a slight suspicion that he had a thing for Rosalie.

I came back too reality from my daydreams and Emmett had finished putting his bags in and was now putting Rosalie's in the car. I was driving her too since I was already going to the airport. "Bella I think we are going to have to switch cars. I don't know if all our stuff is going to fit." I just looked at him, I wonder if he had been talking to me this whole time. "Nice try, make it fit. I am driving my car." They eventually got all their stuff crammed into my trunk, I'll admit it to myself it was a tight fit, but I won't admit it to Emmett. By than Alice Jasper and Edward had walked down to my car too so that they could say their goodbyes to Em and Rose. I just stood there starring at the ground. I was around Edward everyday but everyday it was awkward for me. I just loved him so much; not to mention he use to be my best friend who now barely speaks to me.

Sometimes I just wished that I could push all the feelings away and get over it but I knew I never would. I would love him forever. It didn't help that I seen him everyday and was thus far reminded how great he was. I peeked up at every one and noticed that Edward was staring at the ground too, he looked like I felt. Maybe he knew how I felt about him and that made him uncomfortable. Man was I making everyone unhappy? Maybe that's why he hates me so much. Because he knew how much I loved him. Wow that thought just depresses me even more. "Bella, Earth to Bella!" I jumped, startled out of my thoughts and looked at Emmett. "What's up?" He just looked at me for a second. "What's wrong with you Bellsy. I was standing here calling your name trying to get your attention for like five minutes." I seriously doubted it was really five minutes but still it was embarrassing and I felt the familiar sensation of the heat spreading on my cheeks which were now probley red as hell.

How pissed everyone would be if they knew what I was standing here thinking about. Edward. Always and forever more Edward. Thinking that my eyes instantly went to him and he was looking at me too. Our eyes caught and I kept looking at him while I spoke. "Sorry I was just thinking; daydreaming really." and I tried to emphasize the daydreaming part and threw him a little look before turning back to Emmett. Wishing that he understood what I meant what I was trying to tell him with my words and eyes. "Sorry Em was there something you wanted?" I asked. "Well I was just going to ask if you had anything planned for while I am gone. Any plans?" Like he really cared. But Alice answered before I even got a chance to open my mouth. "Well actually me and Jasper were talking about that and we thought we could drive down to the beach house for at least a month. What do you think Bella?"

That actually sounded like a great idea. A month away from here with only me, Alice and Jasper. Which meant I'd be alone most the time. That I could definitely handle. No pretending at all for a whole month to miss and love Emmett, no trying to pretend that I am happy. Alice and Jasper always got so wrapped up into each other so I wouldn't have to worry about them noticing anything. Hell I couldn't blame them for getting caught up into each other like that. I would do the same. "Yes, that sounds like a perfect idea Alice. But don't you and Jasper want to be alone. You don't have to take me along. I don't want you guys to feel like you have to spend time with me because I'll be all alone. I don't want to ruin your trip." She was giving me the weirdest look. "Uh! Bella what are you talking about? Why would you be alone if me and Jasper aren't with you?" she asked, and she still had that weird look on her face. I couldn't place it, humor? No, worry? No wait it sort of reminded me of pity. No! there was no way. Maybe I just pitied myself so much that is what I saw.

Well regardless I didn't need her pity and what would make her think I did in the first place. "Well Ally you and Jazz gone means just me." Was she stupid or something today? "Bella, Bella pay attention" I snapped out of my thoughts again and was indeed feeling like a fool. What was with me? I'm starting to think I am losing it. "I'm sorry. I just got alot on my mind is all." I mumbled. "Well since you decided to pay attention. Edward is going too so you won't be alone." WHAT!!!! I wanted to scream and cry at the same time. All I hoped was that my facial expressions were not showing how I felt on the inside. How was I suppose to get thru a month alone with Edward, without killing myself. As if I didn't feel rejected by him enough; but now I had to see him prefer to be completely alone than to be with me or do anything with me. Great!!!! A month alone and being ignored by the man that I am completely in love with and that hates me. Could things get any worse.

Don't freak out Bella. You have to keep up with appearances. Wasn't the first sign of going crazy talking to yourself. I wonder if it was just talking aloud to your self or also talking to yourself in your own head. "Really that's great. We'll have a great time. Someone to keep me company, so you and Jasper can enjoy yourselves without feeling bad about me being alone." I said to her with a huge smile plastered on my face. I glanced at Edward and he didn't seem to look too repulsed about this trip. I wonder how horrible this is going to be. The beach house is in Northern California so Edward would probley just go find some scanks. And then I would just have to see him with them and worst of all hear him screw them. Than things would definitely be worse. Oh shit Emmett is talking again. I guess I better actually pay attention. "Well that sounds awesome. I hope you guys have a great time. I sort of feel bad that we are going to Europe without you guys."

I noticed out of the corner of my eye how Edward just smirked when Emmett said that, like he didn't believe one word he said. "Edward I'm expecting you to take care of Bellsy here. I know you guys don't interact much but when she is with you; around you whatever I expect you to make sure she is okay." Emmett said to him. Since when did he care so much. Well regardless of the role we play we do love and care about each other in a friendly way. I'm positive he does not care for me in any other way. Plus I guess he has to play it up good and make sure it looks sincere or whatever. Edward scoffed and smirked again. "Don't worry Emmett I'll make sure she doesn't get ran over, fall in the ocean or anything else." He mumbled something that sounded alot like 'as if you really care' I snapped my head up and looked at him and a look of guilt and sorrow instantly appeared on his face. Great! Now I feel even more stupid. He knew that me and Emmett were a fraud, or at least he knew Emmett was.

At least that proved I was right abot how Emmett felt about me. At least I didn't need to feel guilty. But I still felt like an idiot as far as I knew Edward could think I was in love with Emmett. Really could this situation continue to get any worse? Maybe I'll just spend the whole month drinking. Edward can't stand me so I am sure he won't really spend time with me. Alice is probley making him go. Just like she would do me if I tried to get out of going. I guess I just had to make the best of this like I did everything else. "Alright guys lets say our goodbyes so I can get these two to the airport. We can't be having these two miss their flight." Was it just my imagination or did I sound to eager?

"Alright Bella you take them and than come right back to get ready to go. We leave in three hours." Alice said. I just laughed "Got cha Alice. Will do mam." I said while I saluted her. She just chuckled. Everyone else was busy saying bye and giving hugs again except me and Edward. Wonder what that was about. He didn't even seem to care that they were leaving, but than again neither did I. Him and Emmett always have had a little bit of a strained relationship. I jumped into my car telling Alice and Jasper that I would be ready to go in three hours. The drive to the airport was silent. Not a comfortable silence either, one to where you want to rip your hair out from how awkward you feel. I pulled up to where you just drop people off and got out of the car. I helped them unload all their bags and put them on a cart.

There was only so far that I could go without a ticket so me and Emmett decided I would just drop them off here. Plus they had to meet up with the rest of their class. I gave Rosalie a hug and told her I loved her and to have fun. Than needing this to be over quickly I turned to Emmett. Rosalie walked a way a little to give us some privacy. To that I was grateful. If she wasn't paying attention she wouldn't be able to see how unemotional are goodbye was going to be. Emmet grabbed me in a hug so I hugged him back. He kissed me on the cheek and said "Take care of yourself and go easy on Edward. I know how you two feel about each other. Just try to make the best of it and have some fun" Ha! that was laughable. If he truly knew how I felt about Edward he wouldn't be saying this. He kissed me on the cheek again. "Love ya Bellsy." "Have fun Em and be careful. I love ya too." He smiled and turned and walked away over to Rosalie.

I went and got in my car. I exhaled loudly; this was the moment I've been waiting so long for. I am free from the cherade thats suppose to be my life for two whole months. I was so relieved I think I could actually smile. A real true smile, not just the one I plaster on my face. The feeling was exhilirating, that was until I remembered I have to spend the next month with the love of my life and he despises me. Great! I had forgotten about that for a second and was actually happy for a minute. If the situation was different I would be ecstatic to be spending time with Edward. I missed him so much and wished more than anything that I could spend some real time with him. I know Alice and Jasper and I will be spending the majority of this little trip alone or with Edward. I sped back to Forks from Port Angeles. By the time I got back I had a little over an hour to get ready.

I hurried up and went to go tell my mom and dad the plans or at least attempted to, but of course they already knew. I gave them a kiss and a hug and ran upstairs. I got out a couple duffel bags and started packing anything I might need or want. By the time I was done I had about ten minutes, so I ran into the bathroom to check my appearance again. I supposed I looked fine enough for ten and a half hour drive to California. I changed into some blue comfy capris and a black spaghetti top shirt. I pulled my hair up in a messy bun and put some eyeliner on. I slid my flip flops on my feet and ran out my room. Alice and Jasper were already out there putting their things in Alice's porsche.

I walked over there and started to put my bags in there as well. But Alice stopped me "No Bella your riding with Edward in the Volvo." she said with a huge smile on her face. My mouth damn near hit the ground. Sure enough I looked over at the Volvo and he was standing there putting his bags in the trunk. He just stuck his hands out for my bags. He didn't even look at me. God is he trying to kill me. Does he really not know how much he hurts me. He doesn't even acknowledge me. I just handed him my bags and went and got into the car. What was I going to do. How was I going to make it through this, alone in the car with my angel for over ten hours. My beautiful perfect love, who hates me.


	3. Chapter 3: Good News

**Blue does Everything I ve never seen before **

**Blue does everything I ve never seen before**

**She s the answer to the prayer I hadn t found **

**She s the answer to the silence she s my sound **

**Oh what a girl **

**Oh what a beautiful girl ..she is**

**Blue does Everything I ve never seen before **

**Blue does everything I ve never seen before**

**She s the answer to the prayer I hadn t found **

**She s the answer to the silence she s my sound **

**Oh what a girl Oh what a beautiful girl ..she is **

**Oh what a girl Oh what a beautiful girl ..she is**

**Piecing Together My Shattered Heart**

**Chapter 3: Good News! and Goodbyes!!!**

**EPOV**

I couldn't wait for this day to be over, actually just the next couple hours. My brother Emmett is going to France for the next two months. I love my brother, but I don't like him. My brothers girlfriend Bella use to be my best friend. Our whole lives we were inseparable. For some reason our parents and her parents thought that Bella and Emmett were suppose to be together or would be good together. Whatever! Hell if I know what they are really thinking in this ridiculous plan of theirs. So when Emmett started 9Th grade they thought it was time for them to 'date.' I was furious, I had always knew it was expected; but there was a part of me that hoped when the time came that they wouldn't stick to their decision or that Bella would refuse. She didn't. I guessed I had hoped she would feel for me what I feel for her. To me she was more than just my best friend.

She was my everything. All my thoughts and my actions revolved around her; my whole being did. Everything she did or said I was aware of. I knew her better than anyone. She was the love of my life. I knew she was where I belonged. I had hoped in vain. She became Emmett's girlfriend. The idea of her and Emmett being meant for each other was comical to me. They had nothing in common, me and her on the other hand were a perfect match for each other. We enjoyed all the same things. I've always wondered what gave our parents this ludicrous idea. Yes out of both sets of parents Bella was Charlie and Renee's first born and Emmett was my parents first born, but that still didn't make sense to me. Me and my twin Alice were born before Bella. But them being the oldest is that only thing I could come up with to make our parents think they should be together. It was still stupid to me, idiotic really. That was the stupidest reason ever to assume two people should be together.

I slowly started distancing myself from Bella. I gave her this crap story about what would people think about how close we were. That Emmett wouldn't want her with me so much and that the girls I dated were jealous of her. I told her we could still be friends, just not best friends. She didn't take it so well, and it broke my heart to see her so broken. I wanted to take it all back immediately, but I could not continue to be that close to her while she was with another man, especially when that other man was my brother. I reminded myself that she was only that upset because she was so use to having me around. It was true about the girls being jealous of her. All the girls at our school was jealous of her relationship with me. But I didn't care about any of that or what anyone else said or thought. If I could of handled continuing to be here best friend I would of, fuck what anyone said or thought. But I couldn't, there was no way. So to keep my mental status intact, and my heart break to the barest minimum I did the hardest thing I have ever or will ever probley have to do. I left her, abandoned her. I wish I could say it was worth it. But it wasn't, no matter how much I tried to ignore or not know, I still knew. So I did what I did in vain, I still felt like I was going crazy most days and my heart broke more everyday.

I knew Emmett wouldn't care how much time I spent with her. He was only with her because it is what our parents wanted and Emmett did not go against what they said. Regardless what the consequences were. I knew he cared about her in some way, hell we've known her our whole lives. He didn't care for her in the right way to be in a relationship with her. He didn't care for her the way I did. He didn't really know her, not like I did. It made me sick to see them together. She'd be crushed if she knew he felt nothing for her. After a few months it was starting to be to hard so I started telling myself that I was going to apologize to her and try to get my best friend back. But I was scared shitless. What if she didn't need me anymore or was to pissed that I blew her off. Days turned into to weeks, weeks to months and I continued to put it off. Afraid of the outcome, and here we are three years later. What would I say now, it would be stupid and foolish of me to try and fix what I did now.

I barely even acknowledge Bella now. But everyday it is a struggle to keep it up, my whole being is against it. Still three years later and I still crave her presence. I hate it and love it at the same time. I feel like I'm drowning in the pain. Everyday it hurts even more. Even though I have tried to completely ignore her, I am still constantly aware of her; she is still here, near me everyday. And as fucked up as it sounds it is really the only thing that keeps me going. I always catch her doing little things for me, but I just ignore them. I don't trust myself to respond. Plus I know she is only doing them to try and be nice. She knows that she hurt me and Bella does not deal with guilt well. I mean why else would I cut her out if she hadn't hurt me. I couldn't wait for Emmett to leave. When he was gone I would have two whole months where I wouldn't have to see them together. I'd have a little relief from my constant torment and heartbreak. I'd still see Bella but not with Emmett. I was counting down the minutes.

"Hey Edward." my twin said just walking into my room. Didn't she know how to knock, little irritating pixie.  
"Hey"  
"Me and Jasper were thinking instead of sitting around here we'd drive down to the beach house for a month or so. Me, you, him and Bella. What do you think?"  
A month alone with my beautiful Bella. Granted we weren't talking but still, a month of enjoying her from a distance without Emmett around; not that he paid much attention to her anyway. But when he was there it was always a constant reminder that she was his and not mine. And I couldn't even enjoy how wonderful she was without anyone knowing. Cause the truth was always there in front of me smacking me in the face. Bella was Emmett's girlfriend. So this idea of the beach house sounded amazing, fantastic, terrific even. Me and her would be pretty much alone in the house all month. And I could enjoy her as much as I wanted, even if it was from afar and no one knew about it. "Sounds great Ally! When do we leave?"  
"Awesome!, I knew you'd be in. I say we leave in about three and a half hours. That gives Bella time to drop Em and Rose at the airport and come back and get her stuff together. While she's gone I'll talk to Renee and Charlie to save her some time."  
"Alright, I'll be ready." She started to walk out or I should say dance out. My twin always looks like she is dancing.  
"Wait Ally. Will Bella even want to go? She might be to sad and want to be alone."  
Alice just laughed. "Yeah she'll be sooo sad over Emmett. You really are completely clueless Edward." Wait what was that suppose to mean?  
"She's coming Eddie. In fact you two are driving down together in the Volvo. See ya downstairs." And she was gone, before I even got my mouth open to respond to any of what she had just said. I had to admit, it wasn't the ideal situation, given our current relationship status but I was so ecstatic about spending ten and a half hours alone in a car with her and than all the time at the beach.

Next thing I knew it was time to go downstairs because Bella was about to leave to take Emmett and Rosalie to the airport. I wasn't paying much attention to anyone. I think Emmett was giving Bella hell about her car. He was such an ass. Another example of why they should not be together. He hated her car. I loved it. It was a classic, plus it just said Bella. The car was so her. A 1965 Mustang. She loved it. And it was really nice too. Well it wasn't when her dad first got it, but he spent alot of time and money on it. When him and his buddy were down it was really nice. It was a deep blue, which was my favorite color on her. The interior was black. Her dad wasn't to happy about her wanting black interior, I don't know why it was her car. He gave in in the end. I know Bella and I bet she wanted black interior so bad because she is so clumsy and there was no question that she would spill something in there, more than likely multiple times. She wouldn't want to have stains all over her car. My silly clumsy Bella. I found her clumsiness completely endearing, it was one of the many things I loved about her. It was one of the many wonderful things that made Bella Bella. Everybody else gives her alot of shit about it.

To me Bella was perfection. She was about 5'3 with wavy brown hair that had the prettiest hints of red in it when the sun hit it. Her eyes were the most delicious color of chocolate brown, and they were so deep you could get lost in them. Well I did anyway. She was real pale skinned just like me. No matter how much her or I were outside it was extremely hard for either of us to get an color on our skin. I have always loved that about the both of us. She has freckles scattered across her nose and when she wears a tank top you can see freckles scattered all over her shoulders. Their so adorable. And she had the perfect body. Not to thin or too big. She was just right, the type of body any man would want their woman to have. Not to mention how intelligent she is or funny she is without meaning to be. I faintly heard Emmett trying to get Bella's attention.

"What's up?" she said to him "What's wrong with you Bellsy. I've been standing here trying to get your attention for like five minutes." he said to her. She blushed and looked at me, right in my eyes. And our eyes caught for a few seconds. God how I loved her. "Sorry I was just thinking, daydreaming really." and when she said that it seemed like she put as much emphasize on daydreaming as she could and was it my imagination or did she just give me some kind of look. Like she was trying to tell me something. "What was it you wanted?" she said to Emmett, while turning to look at him. I am just crazy, she wasn't trying to relay something to me. I just wish she was. I tuned them out again after that. I didn't want to hear what ever crock of shit he was going to tell her before he left.

I thought it was the most beautiful thing when Bella got really embarrassed and blushed. The rose color of her pale skin was utter perfection, the most beautiful thing I think I have ever seen. Bella's favorite thing to do is read. She has read so many books. She reads all the time, where most people our age like to go out and party; Bella likes to curl up with a book and read. It is another one of my favorite things about her. She is so different and special and I love that. Emmett gives her a load of hell about reading so much. Fucking Asshole!!!!! See what I mean they should not be together. Even if I wasn't in love with her I wouldn't want her with him. She deserves someone who loves her and appreciates her for her. Not for who they wish she was. Or someone who was just with her because his parents told him to.

"EDWARD" oh shit Emmett is trying to talk to me.  
"Yeah"  
"Dude I'm expecting you to take care of Bellsy here. I know you guys don't interact much but while she is with you, around you whatever the case is I expect you to make sure she is okay." I could punch him right in his damn face. Like he gives that much of a shit, he's just trying to act all caring in front of Bella and everyone else. Bullshit!!! If he only knew why we don't interact. If he only knew that I dream everyday about stealing his girlfriend away from him and ruining this little charade he goes on with everyday just to please our parents. It made me sick. I love her more than myself, like I would let anything happen to her. More than I can say about him. I also wanted to smack him for calling her Bellsy all the time, she fucking hated it. She always has. He probley didn't even know, fucking idiot.

I just smirked at him "Don't you worry Emmett I'll make sure she doesn't get ran over, fall in the ocean or anything else." I shot out at him. "as if you care" I mumbled to myself. Bella's eyes shot up to mine like she had heard me. Oh shit! I wasn't trying to hurt her. I didn't mean to say it where she could hear me. Regardless of how much I hated them being together, I would never want to hurt her. Somehow I had spaced out into my thoughts an had missed the whole conversation of them telling Bella we are going to the beach house. I wonder how she had reacted to being there with pretty much just me for the next month. I'm not sure I really want to know. Her response might of broke my already shattered heart. I just wish she would be as happy about spending all that time alone with me as I was about spending it with her. I just had to act like I normally would. I just really liked the idea of NO EMMETT. Which meant no seeing the love of my life with my brother. And that's what made me so happy.

Bella was telling everyone it was time to go. So I gave Rose a hug bye and nodded my head at Emmett telling him I'd see him in two months. I turned around and walked back into the house. Please do not get me wrong. I do love my brother, but I have a lot of issues with him. Like if it was me in this situation and I was not remotely interested in Bella in that way. I would of stood up and told my parents that I meant no disrespect but that I could not be with her. Especially if my brother was in love with her. I don't think anyone knows how I feel about her except Emmett. I have never told him. But sometimes I think he does know and likes to fuck with me about it. Just little things he does and says when I am around. Again I could just be paranoid and him really have no idea, I for some reason think he does. Or if not for sure he suspects something. Whatever I didn't care. I had to admit though I did miss my brother a little. He was a real funny down to earth guy, but I just couldn't get over the fact that he got to be with her. And he didn't even appreciate it.

I went upstairs to my room and took my sweet ass time getting ready to go. I wanted to stay busy so the time would pass faster. If I didn't I would surely drive myself crazy waiting. After I was all packed and I couldn't drag ass it out any longer I put on my favorite CD: Approaching Normal by Blue October. I layed down on my bed and just waited for the time to go by singing along with the songs. After a little while I could hear Bella in her room getting her things ready. I just smiled to myself and chuckled a little because I could hear her in there dropping stuff and knocking things over in her haste to pack quickly. My silly clumsy Bella.

We are next door neighbors and me and Bella's bedroom windows are right across from one another. So I could see into her room and the houses were so close I could hear everything out of it too. I tried my best to give her privacy. I did not intentionally listen in. Lots of times I left my music up pretty loud so that I couldn't hear things that I probley did not really want to hear. Like when Emmett was over there. Luckily for my sanity that did not happen very often. On those rare occasions that he would chill at her house I always made sure my window was closed and I turned the music in my room up so that it would drown out anything I might hear. There's no way I could stand it if I had to hear or see anything that they did when they were alone. Just thinking about him kissing her or anything made my chest hurt and feel so heavy. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was drowning in the pain and everyday the struggle to stay afloat was harder than the last. She was suppose to be with me. I was the one who was suppose to be touching her, kissing her and making her feel good. Not Emmett and I knew this with every fiber of my being.

I didn't really have room to talk though. Granted I didn't have 'girlfriends', but I still have went out with and made out with every female in this small town and others near by. Everyone besides Alice of course cause shes my sister, Rosalie and unfortunately Bella. Everyone thought I slept around alot. The truth of it was even though I had made out with everyone of these females I have not and do not have any plans to sleep with them any time soon. I am still a virgin. No matter who the girl was I was with and no matter how much they wanted me. I could not bring myself to take that step with any of them. Some how I guess I was a very hot commodity because just about all of them girls claim they have indeed slept with me. I personally thought it was pathetic that they had to lie about sleeping with me. I didn't say anything to anyone though. I didn't deny or confirm it. If they were that pathetic than whatever. The only reason it bothered me at all was that I knew that Bella too had heard these rumors. I didn't like her thinking I had slept with all of them. She has never said anything to me about it, or even to Alice; but I knew she knew. She probley thinks I am disgusting.

Finally it was time to go down stairs to leave. My mom and dad were both at work, but Alice had talked to them and told them. They said it was fine to go down to the beach house and that they would see us in a few weeks. To call if we needed anything. They trusted me, Alice, Bella, and Jasper to go there alone. Us four weren't big partiers. Now if Rose and Em had not been out of the country they would not let us go without supervision.

I walked outside and seen Bella going over to put her bags in Alice's Porsche. So she didn't know yet that she was riding down with me. I just adverted my eyes to the ground and started singing loudly in my head so I wouldn't hear her response to this news, while I put my things in the trunk. I barely heard Alice tell her she was riding with me. I just kept my eyes down and stuck my hands out for her bags. A minute or so later I felt the straps in my hand. I grabbed them and put them in with my bags. I made sure everything fit right and shut the lid. By the time I was done with that and looked up Bella was already sitting in the Volvo.

I got into the drivers seat, started the car and put my seat belt on. I was ecstatic. I got all this time alone with my angel. The love of my life, who's my brothers girlfriend.


	4. Chapter 4: The Car Ride

**A/N:**I hope everyone likes the car ride. I actually already had chapter 4 5 and 6 done, but my #1 Fan LOL! reyrey95. She wrote me a message saying she would like some things to happen so since she is so loyal and helpful I wrote this little filler chapter for her. I hate to admit that I had left the car ride out of the next chapter. But it is here now. Again hope everyone likes and please review!! Thanks for reading my stories and I really love input so REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!

**What I leave,  
When you go,  
What I see,  
And what you show,  
And what I guess,  
And when I don't,  
Is something you all ready, all ready know,**

**I can't live without,  
All I think about,  
All I want is you,  
You're all I dream about,  
I can't live without,  
All I want is you,**

**The things I do,  
I go through,  
And all I say,  
When I'm awake,  
And what I make,  
The shit**that**I take,  
Is something you all ready, all ready know**

**all i want is you-Staind**

**Piecing Together My Shattered Heart**

**Chapter 4: The Car Ride**

**BPOV**

I think I am going to just kill myself now. We have been in this car for three damn hours and he has not said one word to me. He just keeps changing the music. Though I am very glad to notice that we still have the same taste in music. And I swear I keep feeling him looking at me, but every time I turned my head he was watching the road. There was a tiny part of me that wanted to just stare at him. I hadn't been this close to him in so long. All I would have to do was move my arm a little to the left and I would be touching him. The urge to do this was so strong. Like some invisible force was trying to force me to touch him in some way. Just thinking about placing my hand on any part of his body made my fingers tingle in anticipation. My need for any kind of interaction with him was almost to much to bare being this close to him. But he was just completely ignoring me. I just wanted to scream at him. I know I am a little dramatic, but I don't care. I deserve to be a little or lot dramatic when it comes to Edward.

What did I ever do so wrong? I just didn't understand. He was my best friend, the most important person to me. No one even compared to him. And it was just like Bye Bella and fuck you on the way. Whatever I am not going to dwell on this stuff right now while I am stuck in this car with him. Than my cell phone went off and he spoke the first words he has said to me in who knows how long. DAMN ASS!!!!

"Who is it?" he asked. Like it is any of his business, he's been ignoring me since we been in this car and for years before this and he thinks he can question who is calling me. But than I looked and seen it was a text message from Alice telling us to get off at the next exit so we can stop at this diner and eat. Great I was starving.  
"It's just Alice. She wants us to get off at the next exit and stop at that diner we always go to when we drive down here."  
"Okay, text her and tell her we will." His voice was like music to my ears. We were so close and his voice was so soft and like velvet. I could just listen to him for hours. Damn I really got it bad. Ah hell! This is just gonna get worse. And than the silence returned. I might just be getting all dramatic again but I think the silence is worse now than it was before I heard his voice. I wanted to start a conversation with him but I was scared shit-less. We have barely said a complete sentence to each other in forever so obviously he doesn't want to talk to me. And what would I even say to him. 'Oh hey Edward it sure is nice weather huh?' Like he wants to talk about the weather. With all that's happened between us that would be the stupidest idea. I was so glad the exit for the diner wasn't but a few miles ahead. I had to get out of this car for a minute.

I was starting to not trust myself on what I would do or say. I needed some food and some fresh air. Be able to think clearly without his intoxicating voice or smell around. Not to mention we would be with Alice and Jasper and it would not be complete and utter silence anymore. I am known for spending alot of time alone, reading and what not so I am use to quiet. But sitting in this car with him; the silence was so suffocating. I would do anything for him to start a conversation with me or for me to quite being such a pussy and do it myself. I did not see that happening anytime soon. I am a complete and utter coward when it comes to Edward. If I wasn't such a coward I would of done told him how I felt a long time ago. I wouldn't of cared if he loved me back, or that my parents wanted me with Emmett. Actually the only thing that scared me was him not feeling the same way. Which I was pretty sure he didn't. I was afraid to tell him how I felt in fear that he didn't and than I would lose my best friend. I should of just done it because I lost him anyway.

Maybe I wouldn't feel so crappy about it or maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad if I would of least admitted it. Than I wouldn't be with Emmett either. I wouldn't of been able to be with him if I would of actually admitted my feelings to Edward. It was a hard enough with only me knowing. And it was just a pretend relationship. To late now though, I am about three years to late for that shit. We were about two miles from the exit to the diner. And those two miles couldn't come any faster. When I finally seen the sign for the exit I almost started bouncing in my seat. It's not that I didn't want to be around Edward, I just needed to not be. Just sittting here with no one talking was nerve wracking. When I knew deep down that there were so many unanswered questions and unspoken thoughts between us. I just could not be the one that opened all that up.

It would probley only make things worse between us (if that was possible), and that I couldn't stand. At least he still hung out with all of us. I didn't want to make it to where one of had to leave our little group of friends. We had all been so close for so long. It's been us six since we were in kindergarten and before that me, Alice, Edward, and Emmett were always together because our parents. When we pulled into the diner I hurried up and unbuckled my seat and jumped out of the car. I damn near ran over to Alice's Porsche as it pulled in right behind us.  
"What's the rush Bells?"  
"Just hungry." Yeah right, I wish I could tell them the truth. That if I didn't hurry and get out of that car I was going to ruin this whole trip; let alone my whole life. But I couldn't because how I felt was my secret and my secret alone.  
"Come on Bella come to the bathroom with me." Alice said.  
As soon as we got into the bathroom she started questioning me. Let me state that I was trying to go to the bathroom and she was interrogating me.  
"So what have you and Edward talked about."  
"Nothing."  
"Come on, I'm your best friend you can tell me."  
"Seriously Alice, we haven't talked about anything. The only thing he has even said to me was asking who was texting me and to tell you okay that we would stop."  
"You have got to be kidding me."  
"No, I really am not."  
"Well why don't you talk to him?"  
"What am I suppose to say? He hasn't barely spoke to me in three years; obviously he doesn't want to. I have tried numerous times to talk to him."  
"That is just a cop out, you guys are so....; I mean you guys are so stupid. You use to be best friends and now you barely acknowledge each other. Don't you miss him?"  
"Of course I miss him, we were best friends forever." She had no clue how much I truly did miss him. "And what is with you bugging me about missing people today. Missing Edward, missing Emmett. Why do you want me to miss so many people. Missing someone is not nice, it sucks."  
"I know it's just, I don't know. Edward was your best friend and Emmett is your boyfriend."  
"Look Alice, of course I miss Edward. I spent 90% of my life up until the age of 13 with him, everyday and night sometimes even. But he made us this way. He pulled away from me and I have tried to pull him back. Hell I begged him; literally, not to pull away in the first place. What do you want me to do? He don't like me. It hurts but I have dealt with it." I said to her and I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes.  
"I'm starving Alice, I am going to order." And I turned and walked out, wiping my eyes with my hands on the way. I wonder if she noticed I didn't say anything about missing Emmett. Or if she noticed I was about to cry, could she hear the hurt, love and devastation in my voice like I did. Or did I only hear it because I knew that's how I felt. I hoped the latter. But I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to hold all this in that much longer. I just hoped Edward wasn't the one I threw everything at when I have finally had enough and it all comes out. Hopefully it was Alice.

When I got out into the dining area I looked around and the diner was pretty busy. I quickly spotted Edward and Jasper by Edward's hair. I would not miss that hair anywhere. I walked over to the table not even paying attention to if Alice was behind me or still in the bathroom. When I approached the table my heart sank. I hadn't noticed from across the restaurant but we were in a tiny little booth and Edward was on one side of the table and Jasper was on the other. That meant I had to sit next to Edward. Yes, I know I have been sitting in the car with him for over three hours, but this was even closer than in the car. We would damn near be touching and when either of us moved certain ways we were certain to rub and touch each other. I was so afraid I wouldn't handle this part so well that I almost said screw eating and went outside to wait. But the logical side of my head told me to get over it. I could handle this no big deal, easy peasey.

As I walked up to the table Edward looked up at me and smiled his breathtaking crooked smile. I felt my heart start beating faster in my chest. I took as big of a deep breathe as I could manage without them noticing and sat down. As soon as our arms touched I felt an electric current run through my whole body. I jumped just a little and seen Edward look at me. He didn't turn all the way around but he definitely looked at me. Did he feel the same thing I felt when we touched or had he noticed me jump. Probley the jump, I must of just imagined the current. They were talking about something, but I didn't pay any attention. I had sat down as far over as I could without half my ass hanging off and our arms and thighs were still touching. I know it is stupid and pathetic but I was scared and ecstatic at the same time. His body was touching me!!!!! It felt so good. It had been so long since I had felt any part of him. He felt the same but better at the same time.

There was part of me telling me to lightly lay my hand on his arm or leg. Yeah right, like I could really do that. What would I say, 'Yeah Edward I know you hate me and we don't talk let alone touch each other, but I just wanted to feel your body.' Not likely. But I still felt that yearning I had felt in the car, the yearning to be nearer. Hell I could understand in the car, but now I couldn't get much closer unless I was sitting on his lap. It was still there and I think it was stronger. I just tried my hardest to ignore it, put it out of my head. I was just listening to them talk, without out really listening. I just liked hearing Edwards voice. I couldn't tell you for the life of me what they were really talking about. I know pathetic right. Ah well what can ya do? I picked up the menu and started looking it over, trying to decide what I wanted. Anything to take my head off the gorgeous person next to me who's arm and leg was touching me. I loved it, I could say fuck the beach house and stay here the whole month and be completely happy if I could still feel him next to me. Okay Bella this is not helping. Focus on the menu, this daydreaming about things that are never going to happen is not healthy.

Alice had come back sometime but I have no clue when. I guess I could pay a little more attention and quit getting caught up in thoughts and daydreams about Edward. Again I focused on the menu. I loved this little diner. Every since we were about eight we have been coming to the beach house for at least two weeks every summer. Though we usually had the rentals with us. We always stopped at this diner on the way there and back. It was just a little ma and pops place. But they had excellent food. It was better than excellent. I wish this place was closer to home so we could go other than during the summer. I decided I just wanted a mushroom and swiss burger (this place gots the best burgers) and some sour cream fries. This is the only place I had ever seen sour cream fries. I loved them. They were so good, the best fries ever.

The waitress walked up a few minutes after I decided what I wanted to take our order. She instantly started staring at Edward and I wanted to smack her, actually that is not even violent enough for what I wanted to do to her. Amazingly enough though Edward didn't even look at her, and though I knew it had nothing to do with me it made my heart soar. I told her what I wanted than I actually took a minute to look at her, all the while wanting to punch her; because even though Edward was very clearly not paying attention to her, she stared at him the whole time even when us other three were giving our orders. Can I say rude!!! She was kind of pretty I guess. Maybe a little taller than me, dirty blond hair, blue eyes and I guess she had a nice figure. But she could actually be prettier than that I was just jealous of her eyeing Edward so she was automatically ugly to me. Highly plausible.

I sat there in silence just thinking while I waited for our food. Alice was looking through a fashion magazine and Edward and Jasper were talking about some car they seen in Car and Driver. Again I was not really paying that much attention. Not only was I trying to keep my thoughts to myself I was really feeling tired and was a little out of it. Now that I was out of the the car I just wanted to eat and get back into it. At least than I wouldn't actually be touching him and than I might be able to think straight. But everytime I shift even a little bit he does too. It's like my body is calling to him. And I swear everytime we lose contact for a second when we make contact again I feel that electric current run through my whole body. Maybe I am not imaging it. Thankfully now I didn't jump when it happened and if Edward was feeling it he didn't react anymore either. Which made me think he didn't feel it the first time and was just looking because of my startled little jump.

Our food came and we all started eating and than it was just silence. Edward had also ordered sour cream fries. Which in all honesty made me want to cry because they were our thing. Every time coming up here until the last three years we were the only ones that liked them and when we were little we had started this thing where we always shared a big order of them and just keep doing it up until he left me. It was a habit, and we just never broke it until he broke me. The fact that he still ate them made me happy and sad at the same time. I know stupid they are just fries right. But they were our fries. I can't even honestly tell you why it made me happy to see him eat them. It made me sad because I wish we still shared them. Sour cream fries came with sour cream to dip them in, and instead of bringing us our own dishes of it the waitress brought out one for us to share. We both reached for the sour cream at the same time and when our hands touched I felt the biggest electric current pulse through us.

The ones I had been feeling since I sat down were nothing compared to this one. It was just like ZAP! and it started in my fingertips all the way down to my toes. Both our heads snapped over and we looked at each other. Our eyes locked. I was feeling so many different things that God only knows what my face was showing. And in his eyes I seen so many things that I could only think that he was experiencing the same thing. I knew right than that he had felt it all too. That I had not imagine the electricity between us. But what was it, why were our bodies responding to each other like that. We just kept looking at each other, and than I heard Alice clear her throat. "Hm, Hm Did you guys want me to have the waitress bring more sour cream?" We instantly looked away from each other. I felt my cheeks going red and I could of swore I heard amusement in Alice's voice when she said that just now. "Here Bella, you take it first." his velvet voice said. When he said my name I felt a jolt in my heart. My name sounded so good coming out of his mouth. I hadn't personally heard him say my name in years.

I instantly wanted to cry and I lost my appetite. Which sucks because I do love sour cream fries and I never get them.. But I honestly felt like I was going to be sick. "No thanks Edward, I am not hungry anymore." I spent the rest of the time while they were eating looking at my plate. I didn't know what to think. What was that that had just happened between. And I couldn't believe how badly I had wanted to get out of that car and now all I wanted was to get back in it. To curl up in his seat and enjoy the silence. Because the feelings I was experiencing while sitting so close to him in this booth were breaking me. I hadn't been this close in so long or really interacted with him. And now I know why I quit trying and pulled away even more, even from everyone else. Being near him, hearing him talk or accidentally touching him hurt to damn bad. Even without out all these new feelings, the electric currents when we touch, the jolts to my heart just hearing him say my name. They made the pain all that much worse. I just wanted to curl up and cry.

They were done not to long after that and I went to go pay for my food and Edward had a hissy fit and freaked out until I agreed to let him pay for me. I didn't think to much into though because that was just how the boys were. They were raised right and to them a man should always pay for a woman. As soon as they all were getting ready to get up and go pay I jumped up and went out to the Volvo. I just stood by the passenger door waiting for Edward to walk out and hit the unlock button on his key pad. I was surprised when he didn't just hit the button. He walked over to my side of the car and when he got to the door than he unlocked it and reached down and opened the door for me. He held it open and said "Bella." and gestured for me to get in. Again I felt the jolt in my heart when he said my name. And again it hurt me and I just wanted to curl up and cry even more. We almost made contact again while I was getting in but I moved out of the way. I didn't know what the electricity I was feeling was all about but I knew it just made the pain worse too so I was trying to avoid it. And Edward being all nice to me all the sudden didn't help either. Maybe Alice had yelled at him before we left and that's why. That thought made me feel worse.

I didn't want him to only do it because Alice threatened him. I was use to him hating me and ignoring me. Knowing he did and than him faking nice hurt more than anything. When I moved out of the way so we didn't touch I swear Edwards face turned to one of anger. Probley mad because he had to pretend like he liked me. He slammed the door shut and stalked over to his side. When he got into his seat he didn't even look at me. Another stab to the heart, even though I was kind of expecting it, it still wasn't easy. We pulled out of the parking lot and got back on the highway. Edward again just started messing with the radio. We didn't stop again the rest of the trip and the whole way neither one of us said anything to one another. It was complete silence except for the radio. I couldn't help but to keep looking at him and everytime I did the emotions on his face were either hurt or anger. I didn't know what was wrong and even though he hurt me so much sometimes I still definitely felt that pull towards him. I wanted so bad to rub his face and ask him what was wrong. To be able to give him a hug and make it all better.

But we were barely even friends anymore, it wasn't my place. No matter how much I wanted it to be. As we sat in silence, I silently willed myself not to cry. I had to at least wait til we got to the beach house. But right now in his car I would be strong. I barely made it the rest of the trip. As soon as we got there I said to hell with everything and just went into the house and climbed into the bed I knew would be mine for the next month. I didn't say anything to anyone or even get my bags. I just curled up in that bed. I couldn't hold the tears in any longer. How pathetic is it that no matter how much I hurt all I want is him.


	5. Chapter 5: IDIOTS!

**Earth to Bella **

**You think you ve got it all figured in **

**Earth to Bella **

**Everything you know is wrong (well almost) **

**Earth to Bella **

**I see where you are ****not listening **

**I bear the burden of being the voice that let's you know**

**We all grow old **

**And before you swim**** you've gotta be okay to sink **

**incubus****-earth to bella**

**Piecing Together my Shattered Heart **

**Chapter 5: IDIOTS!!!!!**

**APOV**

These two were freaking idiots. We have been in Northern California ten hours away from Forks, Washington; our home town, for three days and they have made no progress. Granted neither of them actually knew they were suppose to be making progress. But still I figured they would of by now on their own. I had some hope for them after we stopped to eat but that was squished once we made it to the house and Bella ran right in the house to her room and stayed that way. Lovely! I wanted to smack Edward upside his head and ask him what the hell he did. I didn't though, only because I was not suppose to know about any of this. They both actually looked more miserable than I had seen them in the last three years. I so badly wanted to know what happened. Me and Jazzy's presence has been pretty no existent in this house since we have been here and still nothing.

The last two nights I've heard Bella crying and I'm pretty sure I hear it again tonight. It's also raining out tonight so it's not as noticeable. It's breaking my heart hearing and seeing my best friend like this. It's not the first time but it's still not easy. She doesn't know that any night we've stayed the night together in the last three years I've listened to her cry herself to sleep. Not knowing what to do, because she also did not know that I knew she was in love with my brother Edward, even though she is my brother Emmett's girlfriend. She's always been in love with Edward. Every since we were little. My parents thought her and Emmett should be together, but I always thought that would never happen. I was positive it was suppose to be her and Edward. I had seen it in both their eyes since we were little kids. Before any of us even really liked the other sex. Her and Emmett have been together for three years and she has put on a brave face and endured. Even though she loved Edward she went with what was expected of her.

I know drama drama drama. Don't think badly of my best friend though, she's really one of the best people you'll ever meet. The only reason she is with Emmett is because our parents and her parents pretty much make them. Emmett is equally as wonderful of a person. But neither of them wanted to stir up anythng or disappoint their parents. So they endure, but they also suffer. I think the worst part for Bella is she thinks Edward hates her. They use to be best friends. And now they barely even acknowledge each other. What Bella doesn't realize is that Edward is in love with her too. Always has been. She is completely oblivious to it and always has been. Him ignoring her is his way of dealing with the pain of not being with her and having to see her with Emmett. Edward thinks Bella is in love with Emmett and happy to be with Emmett. So he to is completely oblivious to her affections for him. Again these two are freaking idiots. And I would love nothing more than to smack both of them, to be honest with you.

Edward also knows Emmett isn't in love with Bella. There for in a way he hates Emmett even though their brothers. Their relationship has been severely strained for the last few years. Every since Bella and Emmett started dating. I think Emmett knows how Edward feels about Bella, but I do not think he knows Bella feels the same way about Edward. And yes I think it is wrong of Emmett. But he was only doing what are parents wanted him to do. Edward doesn't know that I know all of this but he's my twin and I just know things. Bella also doesn't know how much I know. She thinks everyone believes her charade. Well everyone does except me and my boyfriend Jasper. We don't say anything to anyone, it's not our business so we try to stay out of it. We both hate it though. Bella is my best friend and Edward is Jasper's.

Over the last three years they have both been pulling away from us both and it sucks. That's why we decided to throw this little vacation on them while Emmett is away for two months. It was the most we were willing to meddle. We were hoping if we just got them alone that their natural pull towards one another would do the rest. We were just gonna watch from a distance. We hoped by doing this that at least the truth would come out. Even if they didn't act on their feelings me and Jasper were in agreement that they would feel better if they just got the truth out. If they just laid everything out on the table it would bring them some kind of relief. I had one more thing I was deliberating on doing if in a couple days things did not progress. I still had to run it by Jazzy though. I still didn't want to interfere to much though. But if the plan I was thinking of worked correctly no one would even know me and Jazzy were behind it.

I was just so tired of seeing my best friend and twin hurt. Especially when if you thought about it it was unnecessary. I love them both so much, when they hurt I hurt. When I hurt Jasper hurts. Their misery was starting to affect others. There was many times over the last couple years that me and Jasper have had to work really hard on not letting what we were feeling for them interfere with our relationship. Jasper especially has this weird way of easily feeling how people are feeling. Especially people he is close with. Emmett wasn't hurting like Bella, but he wasn't happy either. Rosalie on the other hand was in love with Emmett. So of course all this was taking it's toll on her also. Like I said lots of drama and it was affecting everyone. She also didn't like seeing Bella hurting and she didn't even know the half of Bella's problem. She could tell something was up with Bella but she just thought it was because Bella knew she was in love with Emmett. She felt so bad about being in love with Emmett and she tried to get over it, but to no avail. Bella had no idea how Rosalie felt about Emmett.

It was so much crazy shit. Emmett wasn't in love with Rosalie but he did like her alot. He never even thought about going against our parents so it was easier on him. I know Bella and I know Edward. I was sure Bella was hoping her parents wouldn't stick to their decision and Edward was hoping Bella would stand up to her parents when the time came, but she didn't. So he took that as she didn't love him or want him. What he doesn't know though is that if Bella would of known how he really felt for her she would have. He should of just confessed his undying love for her and she would have told everyone to fuck off for Edward. I can hear Jazzy coming back up here to our room. He went downstairs to kind of check up on them. He had said he was thinking about maybe stopping and talking to Edward for a little while. I wonder why he decided not to?

"Alice, these two are torturing themselves. Bella is a mess. She's curled up in the fetal position on her floor rocking while she balls her eyes out. I think it's harder for her to be here with Edward." He told me. My poor Jazzy. He's always been so good at reading others feelings. This had to be hurting him. And he cared so much for them too.  
"And Edward?" I asked. His face dropped and he just shook his head.  
"He's bad Alice. He looks like he is about to snap, and he's crying. CRYING ALICE! The tears are just pouring down his face. And he's broke all kinds of shit in his room, even his guitar."  
"He broke his guitar!" I shrieked. I couldn't help myself. Him crying and he broke his guitar that was bad.

"We also have to remember that he thinks she is upset and crying over Emmett. That she's missing Emmett. He has no clue it's because she's miserable being Emmett's girlfriend and is in love with him. And Bella more than likely thinks his mood and actions are from being here with her pretty much alone. I doubt she knows he's crying. He's been avoiding her like the fucking plague for three years. Why would she think he wanted to be with her or around her now." Jasper said to me. He was trying to keep me from freaking out. If Edward broke his guitar he is beyond a mess. He has been in so much pain the last couple years but he has always kept it to himself and never freaked. He loves all his instruments. His music means everything to him, nothing but Bella means more to him than his music. He has actually wrote her a song. I have never heard it, he's never played it for anyone or told anyone about it. The way I know about it is cause he has a soundproof room attached to his bedroom that all his instruments and music equipment is setup in, one day I went in there looking for him and seen some sheet music sitting on his piano. It had 'Bella's song' wrote on it. I don't know if it is finished or anything, but I know I would love to hear it some day.

"What should we do Jazzy? Should we keep ignoring it and stay out of it or should we intervene? This is getting a little out of hand. I can't believe it's gone like this?"  
"I don't know. That's why I didn't go in there and talk to him. Maybe we should just give it a couple more days." Jasper said.  
"If tomorrow night is anything like tonight we'll start thinking of something to do. We have only been here three days." Jasper just shook his head in agreement.

A little while later after it had stopped raining, Bella must of cried herself to sleep and that must of calmed Edward down because everything was calm. I had laid here listening to it all and I think it broke my heart even more than any of it has over the last three years. It was so hard to not cry myself. Jasper my wonderful love just laid here next to me, holding me and rubbing my back. Kissing my cheek and neck, while whispering to me how much he loved me and that it would all be alright. Being in love myself, I believe it made it worse for me. Besides just hurting because how close I was to both of them, all I kept thinking was what if I couldn't for some reason have my Jazzy. What it must feel like to be in love and not be with that person or to see them with someone else. Thinking that person didn't feel the same way about you. I couldn't imagine my life without Jasper. I wouldn't survive without him. I just clung to Jasper tighter and fell asleep praying that I'd never have to experience that pain first hand. And that here soon I wouldn't have to feel it through my best friend and twin either.

**A/N: I know it's not very long but at least I updated. I just wanted to give everyone a little insight into Alice and all that. Please review and tell other people to check out the story too. If you haven't read my other story go check it out. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!**


	6. Chapter 6: Crying and Booze

**A/N:**First I just want to say that I am not sure how old a lot of my readers are but I am sure there are some teenagers; so the first thing I want to say is that I do not in no way shape or form condone underage drinking or premarital sex. But also I am not an idiot and I was a teenager once myself not so long ago and I know that both of these things happen. So I am not going to be naive about this and make my story unreal. But do not think I am saying I agree with this. You should wait for both things if you can. If not be safe and cautious. Thank you ENJOY!!! and sorry I took so long to update. I have had a lot of stuff going on, but for now on I will be updating sooner.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Stop staring, you re the reason I feel so unhappy **

**all the time I've given you everything I know how **

**Your standing on the top of my shoe keeping me from gaining ground **

**I'm sorry if you feel like I let you down**

**Can you tell me what have I done so wrong To you **

**Tell me what am I supposed to do**

**I should be loved by you, That I know is true **

**But I cant breathe when you re around!**

**I should be held at night That I know is right**

**But I cant breathe when you re around! **

**Should be Loved- Blue October**

**Piecing together my shattered heart**

**Chapter 6: Crying and Booze**

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe how horrible this trip has been so far. I at least hoped that seeing as we were alone we would have some kind of interaction. That would make me a little happy. As pathetic as it sounds it was true. The little bit of interaction we had at the diner, though it freaked me a little; it made me very happy. That was until he ruined it with his attitude. I had almost forgot there for a minute that the love of my life hated me. The electricity between us is what really freaked me out. I still had no idea what that was about. Just to have a conversation with him or to hear him play his piano he had here at the beach house. He use to play for me all the time when we were friends. I haven't heard him play anything in the last three years. I really missed it.

But no nothing. Besides the accidental touches in the diner I have got nothing from him. It is ridiculous. When we first got to the beach house I couldn't take anymore. I knew where they hid the spare key so ignoring everyone and even my bags I just went into the house and went straight to the bedroom I knew would be mine for the next month. I climbed into the bed, crawled under the covers and curled up into a little ball. Willing myself not to cry. I'd been doing that since we left the diner so I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to hold back the tears that were constantly threatening to appear. I stayed that way and cried myself to sleep that night.

When I got up the next morning I felt like I had been ran over with a mack truck. Not to mention I felt like a complete ass for running out on everyone yesterday without a word. I knew Edward wouldn't care, that was less time he had to be around me. It was Alice I didn't want to upset. She was my best friend and she had obviously planned this trip for a reason. But there was also a part of me that didn't care. I couldn't take one more minute alone with Edward. I wasn't even sure I could be around him period right now without driving myself crazy. Him ignoring me as if I don't even exist was hurting to bad. First thing I had to do was go get my bags out of Edwards Volvo.

Which meant I had to talk to him. There's no other way around it. I want my bags I have to talk to him. There was no way I was staying in these clothes and panties for a month. I had to laugh a little. Was I really that desperate that I would consider that? There was no way he would of brought my bags in for me either. So once again I just needed quit being a Pansy and get it over with. There are worse things in the world. Still I don't want to look like complete death when I go talk to him; regardless if he hates me or not. So first I went into the bathroom I had to share with Edward and brushed my hair. I would of loved to brush my teeth but I was an idiot and ran into the house without a second though yesterday. Forgetting my bags and there for leaving my tooth brush out there too.

Than I went to the restroom and when I was done I looked at myself again. I still looked kind of rough. My eyes were all puffy and my face was all tear stained from all the crying I had done. I washed my face but it didn't help much. This was the best it was going to get for now. Feeling like a complete ass I slowly made my way out into the rest of the house. I found Edward laying on the sofa watching some movie. He looked up when I walked ino the room and as soon as he seen me he sat up really quickly.

"Hey" I whispered while I tried to put the best smile I could muster on my face.  
"Hey"  
"Do you think I can see your cars keys so I can get my bags?" Again I whispered. I couldn't get my voice to a normal level. "Your bags are in the dining room. Alice and Jasper went out; they'll probley be gone most of the day again." My heart broke a little bit more as I stood here looking at him. He looked so sad while he spoke. Probley wishing he wasn't here with me. But whatever it was that was was making him so sad; rather it be my presence or something else it hurt me to see my love so sad. I wanted so badly to hold him and tell him not to be sad. "Thanks" I said to him and walked out. It was the first time I had really spoken to him with us alone in three years (I don't think the diner really counts as us having a conversation) and not only could I not think of anything more to say, but what I did say I barely got out above a whisper. What is wrong with me? Oh right I continuously have my heart broken by this man everyday. All I really wanted was to talk to him. To have an actual conversation with him. I wanted to be able to look at him without trying to hide it. I wanted him and regardless of how hurt I got the need for him and the love for him grew daily.

I felt like such an idiot. I could feel the blush on my cheek. I rushed into the kitchen hoping I didn't look as much like an idiot as I felt. I proceeded in a slower manner into the dining room and there they were: my bags. Just like Edward said. Jasper must of brought them in. Alice was so lucky. I didn't like Jasper in that way at all but he was so great.

I grabbed my bags and went back into my room. I put everything away and than picked out some clothes to wear. I knew I wasn't going to do anything but sit around here today so I grabbed a pair of some short yellow cotton shorts and a black spaghetti strap top. I just wanted to be comfortable. I grabbed my bag of toiletries and walked into the bathroom connecting mine and Edwards rooms. I got into the shower and let the hot water run all over my body. It helped calm me down and made me feel more relaxed. I was feeling so tense knowing it was just me and Edward here in the house.

What was I going to do? Just ignore him like I was sure he was going to do me. Should I just stay in my room? No I couldn't do that again. I got out and got dressed. I brushed my teeth and hair again. I applied some deodorant and lotion. And to finish it off I wrapped my hair up into a messy bun. After I was finished cleaning up after myself I grabbed a book and walked out into the living room. Edward was laying back down on the couch again watching 'Superbad.'

I loved this movie so I went over to the big comfy chair and curled up into it. We sat there for at least an hour watching the movie not saying anything to one another. I kept sneaking glances over at him and you would think I wasn't even here for all the attention he paid me. The movie ended about half hour later and I realized I had not eaten in a while and was starving. I was so distracted that I forgot to eat. Who does that?

I took a deep breath and stood up.  
"Edward" I said; again barely above a whisper. What the hell was wrong with me? He looked up at me and instantly I felt my heart beat pick up double time and my breathe catch in my throat. He was literally breathtaking. I just stood there staring at him for I don't even know how long. My mind just wouldn't function right for me to form coherent sentences.  
"Bella, BELLA!"  
I was startled out of my daze by him shouting my name. I hadn't hear him speak my name in so long, it sounded wonderful coming from his velvet smooth voice.  
"Did you need something?" he asked. "I..I...I wa.....I was just going to ask if you wanted something to eat. I'm hungry and was going to make something." He just looked at me for a second. And our eyes actually caught. Only for a minute or so, but in that minute it felt like the last three years had never happened. I felt like I was looking into the eyes of my Edward, my best friend, the man I loved with all my heart and soul. Than it ended just as quickly as it came.  
"No I'm fine." That was all he said and than he got up and went into his room. Whoa! What the hell just happened here. Did I just imagine the connection between us. He seemed so cold when he answered me and just walked away. Was I really that desperate that I was really imagining these things now. How much more pathetic was I going to get? I just wanted to curl back up under that cover and cry. I knew though that I had to eat something before I made myself sick.

I made my way to the kitchen. Still a little bit in a daze from the interaction in the living room. I just didn't understand. What did I do to him that was so bad? And what was I suppose to do to make it a little better at least. I didn't have the energy or a reason to actually cook, so I just ate a bowl of cereal. I washed my dishes and went into my room. I grabbed the comforter off my bed and grabbed my IPOD. Than I went outside on the deck and dragged one of the deck chairs down to the beach. It was empty. I was glad this was a semi-private beach. It was kind of chilly out. I could smell the rain moving in so I assumed it was going to rain within the next day or so. Looking out at the ocean was almost breathtaking. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I just put my IPOD on and curled up in the chair with the cover. I have to say I was extremely relaxed. The only thing off was I wished that Edward was out here with me. I know I have said a few times that I am pathetic, but you really have no clue. I have a whole play list on my IPOD that is for and about Edward. EDWARD'S PLAY LIST. The whole list was songs about love, hurt, being together, not being together and so on. It's what I listen to when I break down, which unfortunately happens just about every night. I know right, PATHETIC.

You would think that listening to these kind of songs that obviously make me thing of Edward would make my breakdowns worse, but they honestly don't. Believe it or not they make it better. I love music though, it's my life. I always have intertwined my life with music. How I was feeling, what I was doing or what I was thinking about. It just happens that most of the songs on Edward's play list were some of my favorites. I might be sad and miserable a lot but still I love him and everything about him. Regardless of how he feels for me. It is not like he was intentionally hurting me. He was oblivious to it. As much as it hurt that he didn't like me as even a friend let alone more than that; I would rather him be honest about how he felt instead of pretending.

I laid there on that deck chair staring at the ocean; all the birds flying about, waves crashing and listening to my IPOD for hours. Next thing I knew it was dark out and I was of course laying here listening to his play list. Thinking about him and what went wrong. Like I always do. It was all linked to Emmett and I. And in some way I hated Emmett for that, and I despised our parents; what was wrong with them. But most of all I was disappointed in myself for allowing this to go on for so long. Ah hell what am I talking about I'm furious with myself for agreeing to it at all.

I should of been braver and told my parents no. I was mad at Emmett for being such a goody goody wimp and not standing up to his parents also. I continued to lay there thinking about all these things. And adding to the list of pathetic things I do concerning Edward; I was imagining what it would be like to actually be with Edward. Something I hadn't allowed myself to do in a very long time. It hurt to bad. What was I really trying to do to myself. It hurt enough being here with him. So close but so far. I really was masochistic, wasn't I? I wanted to hug him. I haven't hugged him in so long, but than it was a friendship hug. Regardless if I wanted more that's what it was.

I wanted to know what it was like to hug him, kiss me, to have him touch me and love me in a deeper way. More than friendship. I wanted to experience those things more than anything. Even if it was just for one day. I would gladly go back to my reality without complaints if I could just know what those things were like. At least I would know for sure how things could be. If he loved me the same way that I loved him. It would be better than just living in a fantasy world all the time. Just wishing. That can't be healthy.

I didn't even hear Edward walk up. I was to lost in my thoughts and tears to notice anything. Even my angel. "Bella." I jumped. The presence of someone else scaring the shit out of me. I had been alone for so long, and it was dark. I looked up at him but I was crying so hard I couldn't respond. The look on his face as he took in mine: swollen red eyes and tears rolling down cheeks, was heartbreaking. You could read every emotion as it swept over his face like a slide show. Sadness, Anger and than he just looked broken. Completely broken.

I sobbed even harder. What was wrong with my angel. Why was he hurting so bad. He didn't deserve to hurt. Than he leaned down and brushed the hair out of my face. The contact of his hand on my face felt amazing. And I just continued to sob and shake.  
"Bella, honey. What is the matter?", "Bella can you talk to me? Is it Emmett? Do you miss him?"

Every word he said sounded like it took all his strength to say it. I tried to answer that last question. I wanted to more than anything. I wanted so bad to tell him that it was him I missed. Even after all this time. That it was him I was crying over. There is no way I would be sitting here crying like this over Emmett. But I couldn't. I couldn't calm my sobs down enough to even catch my breathe let alone speak. I shook my head but I am not even sure he seen. It felt like two strong arms were holding me. But I was too upset to really pay attention. I was sure I was imagining it. Who was here that really cared for me enough to try and take care of me. I felt so alone all the time.

After a while I finally settled down enough to fall into a restless sleep. The last thing I was aware of was soft lips kissing my temple and a velvet voice telling me Goodnight! There was no way that really happened. There was no way Edward put me in bed and kissed my head. Now I was imagining things again. And they were getting way into the extreme as far as hallucinations go. I wish more than anything that it was really happening, but I knew better than to think that. He was already nice enough there was no reason to believe he would be any nicer. Anything out of his character, and that's what kissing my head and telling me goodnight was: out of his character.

I woke up on the fourth day of our stay here and again I felt like shit. Three days of all this crying and barely eating couldn't be good for me. Today was going to be different though. I woke up with a plan. Well not really I had the idea when I first found out about this trip but I hadn't put it into action. I was going to get drunk. Today would not end with me curled up in a ball crying. I wasn't much of a drinker but maybe just maybe it wouldn't hurt as much or I wouldn't cry if I was wasted. Maybe the liquor would numb the pain, that's what I was hoping for. I was also hoping I didn't like the feeling it gave me so much that I started drinking more often.

I was excited to put this plan in motion so I got up and undressed. I grabbed a towel not bothering to wrap myself in it and walked into the bathroom. I froze. There stood Edward in nothing but a towel. I had completely forgotten that we shared a bathroom. I couldn't pull my eyes away from his body. GOD he was perfect. His chest, his arms, his abs; everything was pure and utter PERFECTION!!!! His beautiful bronze hair was wet and everywhere just like I liked it and I was seeing more of his body than I had in years and god had he filled out nicely. I wouldn't be surprised if I was literally drooling. After a few minutes I finally got my mouth to move and an apology stumbled out of my mouth while I turned and walked out shutting the door behind me.

It was right than that I realized my breathe was all high and uneven and I too was also naked. Except unlike Edward I had no towel wrapped around myself. I screamed without realizing I was doing it and started wrapping the towel around myself. I had been so preoccupied with seeing Edward in nothing but a towel I had completely forgotten I was in even less. I felt so humiliated. My face was burning and I knew my cheeks where probley redder than they had ever been before.

A minute or so later Edward knocked on my door and told me he was done. I heard the other door shut and walked back into the bathroom. I locked both doors than I quickly turned on the shower and jumped in. Thankfully the hot water did it's job and once again calmed me down and relaxed me. I got my head back on straight and went back to thinking of my plan. I guess it was pretty simple, but I was a little concerned about actually getting the alcohol.

I got out of the shower and went into my room to pick out some clothes. I chose a black jean mini skirt, a blue halter top and some blue strappy sandals with a wedge. I had not picked out any of these clothes; Alice had but I knew they would look cute and Alice would approve. After so many years of her dressing me I could actually dress myself to her standards but I didn't like to take the time to so I just usually didn't. I got dressed in my room than went into the bathroom to get ready. I put on some eyeliner and mascara. Than I curled my eyelashes. For my hair I decided to just straighten it and leave it down. It would look pretty but still simple. I brushed my teeth, than made sure I had a hair tie to put in my purse in case I got hot and needed to put my hair up.

I walked back into my room and put my rings, earrings and silver skull necklace on. I revolved a couple times in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable. It was the best it was gonna get.

I wanted to eat something before I left to get some alcohol. I went into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich and got some chips and a Pepsi. If I was going to be drinking I had to have enough on my stomach but nothing that would not mix well with the liquor and make me hurl it all back up. And simple sandwich seemed perfect. I sat at the island and ate my lunch. It was 2:00 in the afternoon. I couldn't believe I slept all day again. It was getting ridiculous.

Edward walked in a few minutes later and started making himself a sandwich also. I thought about offering to make it for him like I normally would, but this was the other part of my plan. I decided that I would try to distance myself too, not just him distancing himself from like it had been for the last three years. He had pulled away but I had always still been right there waiting on any stolen moment with him. That couldn't be helping me. Time to give it up I guess. I didn't really like the idea. I felt like I was giving up on him but the pain was getting to be to much. But to be completely honest I am not so sure how well I will actually do with part of the plan. It's like a part of me to be there for Edward, even though he doesn't want me to.

Well I might as well get on with it and break the silence from our awkward naked scene earlier.  
"Sorry about earlier." I said, blushing. He just shrugged and smiled. And the weirdest look came over his face and in his eyes. It was like pleasure but I wasn't positive. That didn' make sense. I put my head back down and stared at my sandwich.  
"I was wondering if I could use the Volvo. I wouldn't be gone long. I just got something I need to do." I looked up than and realized he was staring at me, I instantly felt self-conscious and blushed again, deeper this time. He just kept looking at me. It was odd the way he was looking at me and it made me feel all tingly. His eyes finally left mine and he nodded his head while reaching into his pocket and tossing me the keys; which of course I dropped. I bent to get them and I could of swore I heard him say 'same ole' bella' and chuckle. I just got up and cleaned up my dishes than went to get my purse.

I got into the Volvo and just about died. It smelled amazing, just like Edward. I was so tense the other day I don't think I really noticed all that much. I drove over to the nearest liquor store. I wasn't much of a flirt but I was hoping I could be sexy enough just this once to get whoever was working in here not to card me. I never really drunk that much, except if I went to a party at one of Emmett's buddies. Which is something I didn't do often.

I pulled up to the liquor store and got out and made sure to lock his car. He would kill me if something happened to his precious Volvo. I checked myself over in the window. I actually looked pretty good. I think Alice might be a little impressed of how I put myself together. I waltzed into the store trying to appear all sexy and confident. I had decided on the way over that I was going to drink margaritas. I started to get ice but than I remembered there was an automatic ice maker at the house. Ice not needed. I walked over to where they kept the mixes for margaritas and such. I got a half gallon bottle of margarita mix and grabbed some margarita salt too. I than walked up to the counter where they kept the real liquor in this store. I was just really hoping I was pulling off sexy. I sat my stuff on the counter and looked at the guy standing behind it. I bit my lip a little while smiling my best smile and than I looked up through my lashes.

"I need a half gallon of Jose Cuervo, Please." He just looked at me for a second than turned around and walked a couple steps and grabbed it. Of course I thought about Edward. So I told the guy one sec that I had forgotten something and I went down the isle to the freezers where they kept the cold beer and I got a 24 case of Bud Light in the bottles. I walked back to the counter flashing the guy another smile and biting my lip again. Alice had told me that Jasper likes when she does it. That he told her it was sexy so I was hoping it didn't make me look like a idiot.

The guy just gave me a perverted smile and scanned the beer too. "That'll be $67.90 Beautiful!" Yes! I must be pulling off the sexy act. See being friends with Alice and Rosalie had definitely paid off. I quickly scanned my credit card and signed the receipt. I picked my stuff up and gave the guy a flirty little wave, making sure to sway my hips a little while walking out. I wanted to make sure I could come back here any time during our vacation to buy liquor without worrying about being carded. If I was going to be in close proximity to Edward for a month without killing myself I was gonna be drinking a lot more than I ever normally would. But I figured it was better than killing myself or begging Alice to do it. Not that she would, but than she might have me committed.

I got back to the beach house and Edward was no where to be found. I put the beer in the fridge. I got out the blender and a margarita glass. Man I was thankful that our parents weren't here. I made a pitcher of margaritas, than I decided to leave Edward a note telling him about the beer I got him.

Edward,

I got back and couldn't find you : ( I went to the LQ. I thought of you and decided you might want to relax with a couple beers.

Their in the fridge. There's tequila in the freezer if you want that. I made margaritas. ; )

Love, B

After writing the note I went and changed into a cute summer dress. It was more comfortable but I still felt like I looked cute. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and grabbed my IPOD. I headed back into the kitchen grabbing the salt, my glass and my pitcher of margaritas.

The chair I had drug down to the beach was still there, thanks to the fact that I spent the two days before this curled up in it crying. I just made myself comfortable on my chair. It was nice and warm out but thanks to the breeze coming off the ocean it wasn't to hot. I put my headphones on, with my IPOD on Edwards play list, a full glass of margaritas in one hand and the pitcher between my legs. Hopefully this night wouldn't be to bad.

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**A/N:**I skipped writing the night that I told from Alice's POV because I was getting all depressed from Bella doing nothing but crying. She is getting her emotions a little more in control. But having this much contact with Edward, even if she thinks she is imagining a lot of it is taking it's toll on her. They have barely spoke in 3 years. Only if it was necessary. And she has really wanted nothing but that but not she is just not dealing with it well. She thinks Alice is making him be nice. Plus I was anxious to get to the next chapter. It's what I've been waiting for. This story is far from over though, I have lots and lots more ideas. Again sorry for such the long delay. Two more things first I am also sorry for the delay in my other story Going After Him! if you read it. I have been busy plus it has to be perfect and I haven't found that perfect version yet. Hopefully soon!!!!! Second if you haven't read it GO READ IT!!!!!!!!! It's my baby and that's why it has to be perfection!!!! Also I forgot I wanted to do a little promoting here. My biggest fan ReyRey95 who is dear to me for always being so great and loving my stories so much has recently started her own story. It's called Debts and Payments and you can reach her profile under my favorite authors. Check the story out, it's pretty awesome so far and she is just getting started. Thanks your all the best. Sorry if I didn't catch all the errors I ran spell check and proof read it twice, but it is getting late and I might of missed some. I wanted to get this chapter out tonight though.

Love

Tonia


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